Down with DOMA

Today is ten years since Obergefell v. Hodges, a landmark Supreme Court case which legalized same-sex marriage NATIONWIDE.

However, in the years leading up to this, specifically in 2013 on the same day June 26, the Supreme Court ruled that section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was unconstitutional. This was a huge win for the LGBTQ+ community. In my eyes, a win for humanity in general. However (sigh) even after my discharge from the Corps I was still nieve in thinking all of humanity actually thinks love is love. I was living in Philly at the time, post suicide attempt which is important to know because this meant I was spending a lot of time working on myself. Lots of therapy, lots of VA. When the news came in after the vote, man how exciting. How revolutionary. How powerful. The repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” 20 months prior, now this. Those feelings quickly changed into sadness, anger, failure, disappointment, RAGE and fear. Facebook was still new in 2013. With the news rolling in, I added an Equality frame to my existing profile picture. A family member quickly reached out with explicits, demanding I take the picture down since it included his daughter. He stated he didn’t agree, and my niece couldn’t make a choice on whether she agreed or not. He stated that when she’s old enough, she can make that decision. I.was.fired up! Initially, I could only see my side. The EQUALITY side. In my mind, there’s nothing to agree or disagree about. There’s nothing to question. I felt people needed to know why I took it down and people responded with things like “Education begins at home” “Nothing like teaching our children discrimination at an early age” “It was the “right” thing to take it down” “Never accept ignorance or people who don’t love you for who you are” “Your niece is a better person because of your love”. However, that didn’t matter. He saw his daughter associated with a symbol he didn’t agree with. That was his side. That was my brothers side.

We all have a side, a different perspective. Even though the disagreement was between my brother & I, there were others effected. My Mom most of all. His spouse. My potential future spouse (because don’t forget this is about DOMA) We all have stories to tell. Most of my years I don’t remember. However, I do remember the two times my brother made me feel good about myself. One was when he came to my boot camp graduation, and the second was when I woke up from my suicide attempt. Two times in 44 years of life. I’ll hold onto those moments, however

I’ve chosen to take steps back over the years, not “fall in line” so much. And by doing so I was continuing to grow.I traded sacrificing a piece of myself for a piece of my heart. This is me becoming more of myself. This is me not accepting ignorance.

I’m writing this post today to let you know why humans like me celebrate PRIDE, or protest, or fight so darn hard for equal rights. Change is inevitable and one day will come where I can authentically be myself with you kids. I love you.

Tell your stories. Listen to stories.